First Toast Machine Rehearsal
The first Toast Machine rehearsal in 5 years happened yesterday.
It felt great.
Playing really loud music felt great.
Being in The Space, surrounded by the creative works of creative people felt great.
Turning the tube screamer knobs all up to 11 and then playing the shit out of some distorted feedback-bass felt great.
Messing up old songs that we couldn’t remember very well felt great.
Having lunch with Paige at the deli felt great.
Writing material felt great.
We already started banging out a new song. Brand spankin’ new. New as in, the first thing we played together in years.
In the last years of Toast Machine, when we started touring, and I was hyper-focused on ‘making it,’ and through the last 3 years of The Brothers Comatose, there has been this unfocused, omnipresent sense of urgency. The sense that whatever it is you want to do, you have to do it immediately, because if you don’t, the opportunity will be lost forever, you will slip into obscurity, the band will die, and everything you’ve ever hoped for will burn to ashes before your eyes. I’m exaggerating, yes, but that urgency was palpable.
It is exhausting.
It was a relief and a joy to find that Toast Machine’s music, friendship, loudness, rockage, and possibilities were still there, waiting and lurking inside the music of my bass and Paige’s drum – patiently – some 5 years later. That sense of urgency can lead to focus, drive, resolve, and a healthy run of kicking ass and taking names. But it can also lead to frustration, jealousy (when you watch other bands succeed in your place), unhealthy competition, bitterness, and resentment.
It was nice to play the music that had seemed so urgent and pressing and frantically-on-the-verge-of-something-if-we-could-just-[fill in this blank with anything; book that gig; make that tour; update the website; get that airplay; secure that interview; etc] and to be able to relax into the loud, loud crashings of it all… and not worry about that urgency; to just enjoy it.
I didn’t realize how much I had missed it.